I love musicals. Always have. I'm particularly fond of the palpable energy of live performances — highlighted by those awesome moments when talented singers belt out heartfelt lyrics to the back row — but cinematic adaptations of musicals can be plenty wonderful, too. And yet I didn't have particularly high hopes for Tom Hooper's adaptation of Les Miserables, because that's one musical that's never really touched me, on stage or on screen: it's an epic tale of tragedy and love that somehow leaves me cold.
In fact, the only part of Les Mis that never fails to thrill me is the atypically jovial number "Master of the House," performed by the delightfully corrupt innkeeper and his wife.
Never fails until now, that is.
Performed in Hooper's adaptation by Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter, who make up for any vocal deficiencies with an all-in attitude that's wholly befitting musical theater (see: Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd), the rendition itself is adequate. But what's frustratingly inadequate is Hooper's cinematography, which often provides tight shots when we need wide shots and wide shots when we need close-ups. In some instances, Hooper's camera seems to be playing catch-up to the action, as if the movement of the actors wasn't choreographed in advance.
Hooper's Les Mis is not without pleasant surprises, but in my mind Les Mis just isn't Les Mis without a rousing rendition of "Master of the House." So, on that note, here's a review of said film to the tune of said musical number.
In case you need some musical accompaniment, I've embedded a (rousing) performance of "Master of the House" from the recent 25th anniversary concert so you can follow along. Pick things up at the 45-second mark.
Welcome readers,
Sit yourself down,
Hear of the best musical in town.
It is Les Mis,
Cast full of stars,
Flashy showbiz,
And a date with Oscars.
Seldom do you see
Such reviews from me:
A slant on film content
As song parody...
Hooper's in the house!
Sound out the alarm:
Needless camera movements do your stomach harm.
Tells an epic tale.
Edits in a blur.
For those who hate long takes it's the perfect cure.
Hathaway's the movie's savior.
She is worth the ticket price.
Her Fantine dreams in one take, saving Hooper from his urge to splice.
Hooper's in the house!
Camera's in the face;
Globetrotting story without a sense of place.
Claustrophobic shots.
Not a single dance.
Half the time we can't be sure they're wearing pants.
Everybody loves a tripod.
Everybody wants to see.
But Hooper's camera wanders like he spends his Thursdays watching Glee.
Hooper's in the house!
Jackman comes up big.
At last a Jean Valjean who's not a total prig!
Gives a sense of pain,
Earns our love and care,
Delivers in his standoffs with Crowe's Javert.
Everybody loves a ballad.
Everybody loves a song.
But even Peter Jackson thinks this thing goes on a little long.
Patience reader,
I'm sure you know
This movie's breadth
Is due to Hugo.
Songs are still fun;
They're just not terse.
Seyfried delights,
So things could be worse.
Here emotion's raw.
Here the singing's live,
As vowed in the ad you've seen a thousand times.
Anne's beyond compare!
Soul beyond belief!
Tears running down her face and trembling with grief.
Earns any acclaim.
Oscar would be right.
Less concerned with beauty than with Cosette's plight.
Cynicism's more than welcome,
But come with an open mind:
So much heartfelt passion has to touch that devil deep inside.
Javert's cold as ice,
Marius is nice,
War, alas, is a strangely dull plot device.
Here a little slice.
There a little cut.
If paid by the shot that would explain the glut.
When it comes to framing action,
There's just one trick Hooper knows:
Tight close-ups of the face,
Throw cameras round the place,
Jesus, how his lack of vision shows!
Hooper's in the house!
Camera's on its side:
Fruitlessly angled shots we cannot abide!
Latter part's a bore.
Staging's far from great.
But singing tends to make Oscar masturbate.
Talent is always in fashion:
Actors give it all they've got.
Handheld is so queasy,
Jesus, what I'd do for a fixed shot!
I used to dream
This wouldn't make me wince.
But, God Almighty,
Some blandness is evident.
Hooper's in the house?!
Try going outside!
A wide shot of a landscape is worth a try.
All this indoor rain
Couldn't make me wet.
Wish Deakins could've shot Seyfried's silhouette!
What a cruel use of lenses:
No verve of screen or of stage!
These flat compositions might as well have stayed on Hugo's page.
Hooper's in the house!
Space is really tight.
Someone help the cameraman to stand upright!
Dim and drab decor.
Structures have no weight.
And yet this thing has the taste of Oscar bait.
Everybody cheer the vocals!
Everybody cheer the heart!
Everybody bring a flask: sing-alongers don't stop when asked.
Everybody brace for the task, 'cause Hooper's in the house!
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